How to make friends? Science explains to you

What is friendship for? And how to make friends? Although they seem silly questions, we rarely reflect on affective relationships with other individuals. There may even be complexity in talking about the subject, but there is one thing that no one doubts: social relationships, aka friendship, is one of the most valuable goods there is.

annually, in 20 July, the official commemoration of the Friendship Day and International Friendship Day. However, there are several dates in Brazil that celebrate friendship: April 18th and July 30th. Maybe you don't even know it, but science has a lot to tell us about making friends, in addition to how to maintain it, its real importance and the risks of not having “confidants”.

Social scientists used several mechanisms to analyze the size of social networks. It was concluded that they can vary between 250 and 5.500 people. The thesis “Acquaintances and contacts of Franklin Roosevelt”, 1960, (Knowledge and Contacts of FranklinRoosevelt, in free translation) revealed that this friendly and sociable guy could have even had 22.500 acquaintances. No wonder Roosevelt was one of the most popular presidents of the United States. The study was prepared by MIT — MIT.

The study scientific Social isolation in America (2006) pointed out that the North American trusts only 10 to 20 people. However, that number may be falling. Between 1985 and 2004, the average number of friends in the United States dropped from three to two. Scientists view this drop with concern, as those people with strengthened social relationships tend to live longer.

It's in Brazil?

Surveys have shown widespread declines in trust. People are ceasing to trust each other and even democratic institutions. Consequently, when this happens, democracy also becomes weakened.

In Brazil, only 7% of individuals trust others, according to Instituto Latinobarómetro. To give you an idea, 37% believe that only friends and family are trustworthy; 46% say they don't believe most people.

How to make friends, according to science

Science teaches a class on how to make friends and many scientific studies on friendship are assertive in saying about the importance of these relationships. Eric Barker, book author “Barking up the wrong tree: The surprising science behind why everything you know about success is (mostly) wrong” says that “Friendship is extremely powerful in improving one's happiness levels”.

the sociologist Nicholas Christakis confirms the sentence of Eric Barker. In his research, he showed that friendships are responsible, in the first place, for the happiness in every person's life. Therefore, we can conclude: this fraternity between people influences, and a lot, in happiness.

But for the human being to build friendships is not such a simple task. Other scientific studies on friendship confirm this. It takes 50 hours of socialization for an individual to go from being “known” to effectively becoming a friend; to be a “real” friend, we need another 40 hours; and 200 hours to become a great friend — Eleven e Max of Stranger Things, will identify with this data. The analysis was performed in the study “How many hours does it take to make a friend?”, University of Kansas, USA.

As stated earlier, science holds incredible tips on how to make friends. The first of these is about reviving latent social bonds. You know that old friend you no longer have contact with? A scientific study has shown that when a person reconnects in that “lost” friendship, trust between you can be activated like it used to. In addition, news about life in the meantime may emerge during the reunion.

Do you know why Denmark is one of the happiest countries in the world? The reason for this is that around 92% of Danes belong to social groups. That is, they are people who organize themselves around hobbies. There are those who get together to play sports, discuss technology, photograph around the city or visit cultural places. Eric Barker suggests you to search for these communities. Start by inviting them for coffee, or maybe lunch? This practice is very common among users of the LinkedIn. Other research indicates: similarities connect people, like individuals with the same names.

Making friends at work is another sure thing. You already spend so much time together that, consequently, it becomes easier to create relationships in the corporate environment. And science has a rather unusual tip: according to a scientific study by MIT and published in CNN, employees who sit at large tables in the cafeteria are considered “popular”, and great friendships can be born in this group. It was found that employees at small tables, however, had smaller networks and low opportunity for interaction.

And how to maintain friendships? According to studies by Arizona State University, the most common reason for conflict between friends is related to lack of time for commitments. In view of this, the Scientific study, developed by University of Notre Dame, advocates: if you want to maintain your friendship with a person, contact them at least twice a week.

The last tip from science on how to make friends is kind of a long shot. If something fails, scientists recommend starting to “trust” other people at random. Yup. This is not common these days. However, something surprising can happen, as a true friendship can come from there.

The power of having friends

Since 1937 the Harvard University develops the largest research on human health. It is based on the question: “what makes a person healthy?” The answer is impressive, given that the source that most influences the health of a being is precisely friendship. The fact of having friends overrides, in this study, money and food. already the Brigham Young University found that not having friends equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

There are scientific studies that prove: having friends protects the cardiovascular system. This is because having confidants to share joys and sorrows releases the hormones of happiness: oxytocin and dopamine — neurotransmitters related to well-being, bonding and relaxation. They lower the adrenaline level and reduce stress.

In addition to preventing diseases, research also reveals an increase in life expectancy by another 10 years for people with strong ties of friendship. Those over 70 have a high chance of reaching 80 if relationships are maintained. Amazingly, this may not work when the contact is with a family member.

Friendship in digital and technological times

Does technology interfere with our relationships and cause distance? For common sense, yes. But researchers from University of Toronto found that, with the advent of social media, the average number of friendships grew. You heavy users of the internet were the ones that most won new partners off screens.

Although we are living in the age of Artificial Intelligence, studies confirm that interacting with other individuals is what we do most on the internet. Thanks to technology, it has become easier and faster to keep in touch with your friends, as well as meet new people.

Specialists analyzed social networks and it was identified that they can influence our interactions. Some of them require you to send an invitation to start a conversation. O Facebook, which concentrates 2,6 billion users, is a platform capable of generating limitations for relationships between people. To “create” friendships on the Mark Zuckerberg, you need to use the button to request friendship, send a message, or “poke”. Meanwhile, the Twitter facilitate this communication. In it, you can follow any user except protected accounts. Therefore, it is easier to find people with the same interests as yours, and from there, create real bonds without being so “invasive” due to the platform.

Scientists have been analyzing our behavior towards digital media. A study of University of California showed that there are effects on our body when we use social sites. They managed to find that tweet decreases the level of ACTH and cortisol, hormones associated with stress. For researchers, the brain may be developing a new way of interpreting the publications of the Twitter, that is, it is likely that he is understanding that this social network concentrates great friends. While it's surprising, it's still too early to say that the brain can store so many virtual friends.

The internet also causes friendship to be trivialized. Nowadays it is common for a person to go out accepting all the invitations he receives on social networks. and the sociologist Nicholas Christakis, who studies the subject, reminds us of that point we made at the beginning of this article: are the people you are accepting the invitation to really your friends?

It's always good to point out that human relationship experts and social scientists are unanimous in saying that we need to be close to friends and have contact on a daily basis — without computers and smartphones — so we will have all the benefits of deep friendship.

The brain may be changing. You may not even agree with all the claims made in scientific studies about making friends. It doesn't matter if you have few or many allies, science only attests to the importance of valuing friendship and it teaches us and proves what Christopher McCandless, from the book/film Into the Wild, wrote: “Happiness is only real when it is shared”.

Source: The Atlantic